Sunday, August 30, 2009


So hard being a woman

Her name was Debbie. She loved life, worshipped her son and absolutely adored all the children she came into contact with. She was pretty and took pride in her appearance.

She was ambitious enough to know that not even an early pregnancy could derail her. So even though she began working at Bonadie's supermarket she knew that the only way was up and up she went. Her quest for self development would take her all the way to the Cave Hill Campus and to a job with the Govt of St Vincent and the Grenadines. She dreamt huge dreams and was on the verge of following another-the beginning of the Masters programme in Banking and Finance when her life was brutally taken from her,

I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that yet another woman has been the victim of appalling domestic violence. It worries me as a woman because it is possible I too could miss the warning signs or choose not to see them. I worry that I and others like myself may find ourselves making excuses as to why we should remain in a relationship long after it has died. It worries me that the possibility exists that some man may see us as property and inflict bodily harm should we outgrow the relationship or dare to dream dreams that may move us beyond his reach and grasp. I worry that we may be incapable of protecting ourselves and neither would society.

I wish we didn't have to cry for Debbie Shallow, Lokeisha Nanton, Stacy Wilson and all the other women who met such gruesome ends. I can only hope that Debbie's biggest impact will be to mobilise Vincentian women into meaningful action and just maybe we will be more supportive sister to sister. It is time to ban together to find new ways to raise women who will recognize the signs and be strong enough to walk in the other direction. We simply cannot afford to pay lip service to this latest murder and then go back to business as usual. This scourge of domestic violence can be lessened if not eradicated if only we have the will to aggressively tackle it.

Nice writing... i was getting bits and pieces of this from peoples status messages on FB.. and also of another fallen youth.... its sad but it is not the SVG that i left.. SMH..

Stay safe you hear..
you think anything will change?
i read this and i am beyond sad but also very resolved in my decision to leave. I don't think that men in SVG consider women their equal, i don't think that will change anytime soon. I hope i am wrong.
it's so sad to hear about even more women that are becoming victimsm of domestic violence. I hope those women's loss will become an example for other women and I hope their loss will help our world get better. It's just too sad to hear that women are becoming "items" for men. Equality of genders shouldn't be a subject anymore in our days.
@kgombe We were doing so well until this weekend when we had 4 murders..SMH. This place is changing too fast.

Jdid, we won't know what will change until it is tackled. I am not convinced we aare serious about domestic violence esp violence against women. For example I see all sorta support groups around but I don't know of any for battered women.

Hbynoe,you could be on to something there. I find there is too much of a property mentality going on.

Pixie. Sad state of affairs.
when i think of it, so many of our closest relationships (with parents, siblings, lovers, friends) are dysfunctional, even violent and we don't recognise them as such because we are so accustomed to abuse.
I worry that I and others like myself may find ourselves making excuses as to why we should remain in a relationship long after it has died. It worries me that the possibility exists that some man may see us as property and inflict bodily harm should we outgrow the relationship or dare to dream dreams that may move us beyond his reach and grasp.

Is the life of the romantic relationship really the issue here? I ask because I'm thinking of at least two things here. Firstly, it seems to me that romantic love may be the least of the issues determining whether or not a man/woman beats or kills a woman/man. There are some men who would beat their wives/girlfriends and swear they love them more than any other man loves any other woman in the world, and there are some men who would care almost nothing for a woman and still never lay a finger on her. So really, how many loveless relationships involve abuse? How many loving relationships involve abuse? Are there stronger correlations between abuse and say, age or status or occupation, than between abuse and romantic love? Perhaps the issue has more to do with seeing both sexes as equal (as Hbynoe suggested), treating someone as your property (as you said), or some other things.

Secondly, romantic love is hardly the only important factor in a relationship like this. Without a doubt, there are women and men who remain in relationships for foolish reasons, but it's really hard to believe any general statement without regard for particularities that the loss of love in a relationship is sufficient and/or necessary grounds for dissolving it, full stop. What about the possibility of reform and reconciliation? What about the children? What about joint ventures? What about shared property?

Unfortunately in the Caribbean many people still see domestic violence as a normal part of a relationship. How many times have we looked the other way or gossiped about someone being beaten by their partner? As a child my parents fought(literally) on a daily basis and I remember the laughter and nasty comments which my siblings and mother had to endure from neighbours. Until each one of us takes a stand against such acts no one will be safe.
It seems this tragedy keeps repeating itself. As you said, women need to pick up on these warning signs, which are usually there from the early beginning of the relationship, but is usually clouded by the bliss of infatuation.
Physical violence is a definite no no in any relationship... but there is also emotional abuse... you don't have to lay a finger on someone to damage them for a lifetime... i've seen so many young ladies have confidence issues because of this its ridiculous... just had to get that out there... because low self esteem/confidence is not an attractive state regardless of who you are and then the predators see this and zoom in and take control of it... while the ones who are genuine gets pushed away by it....
I am heartened to know someone knew the Debbie I had come to know and place some value on her life.

All the reports that I have read before this makes SVG seem like a 'Predator's Paradise'. It appears as though the victimizer and not the victim is the one whom the public mourns.

Thank you for this medium, where people who knew Debbie, even better than I did can truly celebrate her life. She was a truly special young woman. Full of life and so much still to offer. She was beautiful, humble, intelligent, sweet and I could continue. My sympathies to her son, her love and her family.
I think there is something about thinking you are in love so much that you can't make it on your own. It takes a whole lot of courage to walk away from a life you know, regardless of the quality of it. It's just like a junkie, they know the drugs are bad for them but they can't help themself, they just keep going back for more. It is sad and some women are just strong enough to walk away and it is sad.

As for me, I have a lot of patience and tolerance, but it would be all over when a man puts their hand on me or try to behave like they own me. No sah ... CD nuh deh pon dat at all ...
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