Sunday, May 17, 2009


Just musing

Why is it that we women hang on to relationships long after they have died? I look around and see women holding on for dear lives to men who continually abuse and treat them with disrespect and I am baffled. We are all fools when it comes to relationships, but there is a certain point in time where we must each say enough is enough and kick the real fools to the curb! Instead we sit back and find all sorts of reasons to justify or blame ourselves for the men's behaviour.

Now I know that it is not always easy to walk away from a relationship in which time and effort has been invested. Most times it is not even that the we can't see a life without the person but familiarity or fear of the unknown keeps us rooted. Men, on the other hand seem not to have these hangups nor do they let emotions rule their decisions. Societal views are also at play here since the average woman despite all the talk of sexual freedom remains concerned about her number of sexual partners lest she be labelled as loose whereas the man is lauded.

It's all very disheartening but doesn't have to be like this if we would only see our own personal self-value and self-worth in a relationship. For many of us it is a never ending journey.

Men, on the other hand seem not to have these hangups nor do they let emotions rule their decisions.kind of a blanket statement, no? i've known a lot of guys (myself included) who've hung on to relationships long after their sell-by date... and there's a difference between HAVING emotions and SHOWING emotions... just because a man (because of how he's been raised and how society tells him to behave) doesn't show his emotions, that doesn't mean he's without feeling...

i'll never condone abuse or disrespect or infidelity in any form... but sometimes a relationship is just bad - without abuse or anything like that... and sometimes it's not the man's fault...

tru dat about the value that society places on a woman's sex life though... it's a sad double standard that we've never got rid of...
Agreed that it was a blanket statement but wasn't really meant to be one.I should have actually stuck in generally but your point is taken. Let's suppose a woman gets pregnant by another man I would bet men won't have a hard time walking away. On the other hand men have babies out side of their relationships and you'll find women(not wives) sticking around. That's an example of why I said men seem to be more practical with these matters.
Another note: These musings came about partly because of watching John Edwards wife on Larry King.
Hey Abeni, the familiar is what keeps us coming back for more of bad. The fear of the unknown as well. The part of the double standard comes in when the girl gets called cold-hearted just because she doesn't blink to move on after an unsatisfying relationship.
i do agree with societal views... i do agree with your response to Will.... It sucks out here in the world.. but we all need to make it a better place starting with ourselves... do good and be good regardless...

i've been away for a long tie from your blogs... but i'm back now...
above comment should state i do agree with Will's take on societal views.. not actually agreeing with society
I see it simply as alot of folks are afraid of being alone and so a bad spouse or boy/girlfriend is seen as better than being truly alone.

thats why some breakups are so painful to watch as one party bawls and cries as the other tries to leave. sometimes they really dont think its over but many times its more like a dont leave cause i dont know what i'll do now that i'm alone reaction.
Jdid, not sure its about being alone. There's an element of that, but I think the bigger part of it is, once you are connected to someone its hard to break that emotion. Because generally speaking no one is completely evil, so you tend to look at the better side...

I'm a firm believer in the fact that once you meet the right person all those other medicore/bad ones just seem to fall away.
If children are involved it makes the decision to leave even tougher.
While the comment about men is a generalization, it is, in large part based upon an observable general behaviour pattern. This is indisputable.

The interesting thing to me is that I have observed young women more and more are abandoning the long suffering postures of their mother's generation and adopting the same behaviour pattern as men.

Whereas a generation ago, women turned to church, their families and friends for emotional support in coping with an unfaithful or violent spouses, nowadays, young women are likely to be as "emotionless" as men in dealing with their relationships.

They will walk away and leave man and sometimes children behind. Sometimes they do not leave but are equally unfaithful and many times not a little bit mercenary in their handling of the relationship. (Shrug) what goes around, comes around.

I, personally do not believe in the existence of a "right one". I do believe that relationships work because of the commitment of the parties involved to sacrifice and work to maintain their relationship.
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