Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Marriage pressure
Ever noticed how sometimes the whole world wants to make you over in its image? Persons may question the way you dress if in their estimation it's too conservative or too revealing. Then, there are issues with hairstyles, makeup,choice of friends and the list goes on.
Lately though everyone keeps asking when am getting married. Sunday morning after church a woman walked up to me and after exchanging small talk she enquired if am married as yet. Expressing shock that the answer was not in the affirmative she proceeded to lecture me on the sanctity of marriage as well as remin dme that it is for the young such as myself.
I know women have to be concerned about their biological clocks but it seems as if once you get to a certain age marriage clocks begin ticking as well. I have observed that people never take time to fin dout if one is in a position financially,mentally or emotionally to get married. Most of all they never even ask if the person wants to get married. Instead, they just assume once you've been dating person x for a specific time then marrriage should be automatic. Don't get me wrong and think am against marriage as am not. I just hate the subtle and not so subtle pressure persons exert simply because they feel the game should be played by their rules.
Lately though everyone keeps asking when am getting married. Sunday morning after church a woman walked up to me and after exchanging small talk she enquired if am married as yet. Expressing shock that the answer was not in the affirmative she proceeded to lecture me on the sanctity of marriage as well as remin dme that it is for the young such as myself.
I know women have to be concerned about their biological clocks but it seems as if once you get to a certain age marriage clocks begin ticking as well. I have observed that people never take time to fin dout if one is in a position financially,mentally or emotionally to get married. Most of all they never even ask if the person wants to get married. Instead, they just assume once you've been dating person x for a specific time then marrriage should be automatic. Don't get me wrong and think am against marriage as am not. I just hate the subtle and not so subtle pressure persons exert simply because they feel the game should be played by their rules.
# posted by Abeni @ 9:39 AM 
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It never ends either. After you get married people will start asking you when you are going to have children. Then they'll start asking when the children are going to move out. Then they'll start asking when you're going to retire. Then they'll start asking when you plan on dying. (Ok, maybe the last one will be more in their actions than words )
# posted by 
: 11:51 AM
: 11:51 AM
Good Point Chris. It never ends.
I hate how people are. Marriage, kids, blah blah, should be a persons choice. If it doesn't work out, its ok. Jeez lousie, we are smart educated women, how come no one says Oh poor Lucy with the 4.5 kids, philander husband, wish she was like you, unmarried, yet employed, and taking care of yourself????
I hate how people are. Marriage, kids, blah blah, should be a persons choice. If it doesn't work out, its ok. Jeez lousie, we are smart educated women, how come no one says Oh poor Lucy with the 4.5 kids, philander husband, wish she was like you, unmarried, yet employed, and taking care of yourself????
It is because of these pressures 50% of marriages end up in divorce. It's better to wait till you're 40 and be happy, than to do it when it is expected and be miserable.
I find the church to be the main perpetrators of this. Thus, a lot of young people in the church get married because they are almost forced to and then they are miserable.
I'll get married when I'm good and ready thank you.
I find the church to be the main perpetrators of this. Thus, a lot of young people in the church get married because they are almost forced to and then they are miserable.
I'll get married when I'm good and ready thank you.
# posted by : 1:49 PM
: 1:49 PM
No, Kami, it's not only marriage pressure -- it's pressure in general (a.k.a. busy-bodies, meddlers, gossips, etc.) If U get engaged at 19 or 20-y-o, they start preachin' on how U not goin' finish your studies, an' how de only degree U gettin' is a M-r-s degree B4 de babies arrive. There's always naysayer, but me & hubby never mek that keep wi from our plans. Ah mentioned this B4, and even Scratchie said there were naysayers when he got married young too.
I feel the pressure too. Just ended a 5 year relationship that all deemed would end in marriage. Good ting I nevah listen to people! Now, me mudda lamenting that I goin' be a bitter spinster. Go figure.
Well at this point my mother is just desperate to see a grandchild while she is able to play with him/her.
# posted by : 11:42 PM
: 11:42 PM
This is too funny and I so feel you!!! However, while people keep asking you when you're getting married, I keep getting asked if I have children yet. This new guy at my church asked me several Sundays ago, WHY I DON'T have children. I looked at him and said...why do I need them? Its crazy that the people I've encountered lately aren't the least bit interested in the fact that I'm not married and don't even have a boyfriend. Single parenting is such the norm here that the idea of wanting to be married or at the very least attached is kinda of repulsing to folks. They just assume you want kids and that you should be tryigm to get some regardless of your circumstances. Oh, well we shouldn't compromise on our believes, nor cave in to the pressure of peoples' desires for our lives.
Marry when you want to marry, if you choose to at all!!!
Girl Power...
Marry when you want to marry, if you choose to at all!!!
Girl Power...
Don't let others pressure into doing what you don't want. And if you want to marry, I volunteer myself to be your hubby.
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