Wednesday, October 18, 2006

 

Get your Mammies Grammed

I got this in my inbox. There is a serious message at the end, but you get to laugh on the way there.

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.


So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.


After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."


"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."


She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!


My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.


Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!


"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.


"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.


It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.


Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.


If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"


This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!


Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins,friends, wives,girlfriends --- and even your enemies.Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer

Comments:
Aargh, de description o' de torture device -- where'd they get it from, a POW camp?!
 
The machine was made by a woman. A man would have advocated to doing only manual examinations and he would have told you that it cannot be self-administered. :)
 
I was about to get on my high horse and cry down shame on men, claiming that they were responsible for this torture device, when I saw Scratchie's comment.

That really shut me up, cuz he has a valid point.

Took my Mom for a mammo this week, and she screamed that I hate her, and she claims that she is writing me out of her will. I dunno wha' she has to leave for me, but now I na gettin' it, cuz she say dey squish her boobies more than the five chillun did.
 
I agree with Scratchie. Nice way to push breast cancer awareness. Ladies, it's worth the pain.
 
Luv it!
At least it one step better than that "test" we men have to endure for our cancer!
 
Indeed...Ladies I urge you to go and get examined. We had the cancer scare in my family and now I just pray that everyone else will go and get checked...as to the machine and the various testing methods suggested etc...I imagine having a cold machine squeeze you is no joke - but having another man trying to enter you and your not a gay man is not an experience that people like to submit to (and for this we have to pay the doctor?) they call it a prostate exam I call it torture...I agree with De Immigrant that yours is better but I disagree with him on the levels: Ours highly trumps yours
 
The writing is pretty funny. But, yes, its a pretty tite squeeze...and I am saying so only from watching.

Despite Scratchie's comment which was also a good one, I must stress the importance of montlyy BSE's (Breast Self Examinations)...sure, if you wish your partner to help feel dem up....no problem. But remember, they're yours and you can detect changes far more quickly than anyone else.

Immit, aarond: our finger test not too cute fe real. Maybe you could get a nice looking female Doc to do the test for you. I have a bredrin (who is by no means gay) who looks forward to his annual from his female GP!
 
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