Thursday, December 15, 2005

 

Letter to Santa

Dekkahposted this gem over at the cricket message board and I copied for your reading pleasure. Hope the North American readers can follow the dialect.

I know you probly wondering why I writing yuh one day
after Christmas but after i open my presents and dem
yesterday, I just had was tuh write yuh.

Santa ah was a very good girl all year round, ah listened to my mother when she talk to me (something ah does do evry blue moon, *which is actually never*). Ah helped out with chores around the house, ah even helped the neighbors nice peekny dem do der chores too. Ah helped dat old cross Mr. George across the road when the other pikneey dem just watch him and leave him dey.

Santa ah studied really hard in school this year, so hard that ah finished first in my class and first in de country. Ah make it meh duty to be nice and not naughty. Santa when ah wrote meh Christmas List to you, ah ask yuh for a Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora the Explorer computer game, ah cabbage patch doll and a monopoly game.

So Santa how the Fuck after reading my list you would leave under the Christmas tree ah shity, fucking light up Yo-Yo, ah mother-cunt plastic tea-set and ah fucking no name dolly that look like she have Fucking H I V!! and cancer cuz she barley have hair pan she patch up head.

Santa is like yuh fucking blind or yuh cyah Fucking read! * i more believ is read u cya read*and u no wat me neighbour piknee dem is devil.. de 10 year old gurl already taking man front right and center.and de lil boy is a lil tanty man.

Every year ah say ah would stop believing in yuh Fucking ass and like ah Fool ah does always give yuh ah another chance but not ah Fucking-gain, yuh Fucking fat ass dead with me, yuh hear what ah say, yuh dead me hate u like how pig hate clean watah!

Ah waiting for yuh ho -hoing mother ass next year, yuh better
don't try to squeeze Yuh fat bolockscious, atrociuos, delapidated ass thru meh louvahs, because Santa Ah swear ah will Fuck yuh up, it go be me,
you and a sharp sharp knife. Just imagine you give that cork eye fanitta from across de road everything that she arks for, even duh she have to look lef to see wah on ha right.

Santa, yuh see you and them Fucking donkey's u have der..(beacuse in de caribbean we cya get reindeer) ,better think twice about landing in my yard yuh kno. Man nex year, ah will be back to meh good old self, causing havoc and destruction around de Fucking neighborhood and waiting patiently with ah big stone for your fat Fucking ass to come Ho-Hoing in my front yard, ah will done yuh.

Little Tifannie

P.S. yuh see dem stab wounds on dem las two donkeys (ass).. is I do
DAT! in ur muder-cunt! come back again and yuh go see...

Comments:
If I was Santa I'd tell Likkle Miss Tiffany what she mus go suck out to have a Ho Ho Merry Effin Christmas! ;-)
 
santa need to wak wid two big rocks and have a quickly removed belt to throw some hot lashes in she tail. dem pickney nuh respect big man dese days.
 
lol, that little girl's got quite the attitude. The letter was a little hard to follow, but I think I got most of it... except for that word 'pickney'. What is that?
 
Pickney=child
 
Ahh, thanks Abeni ;)
 
it was funny lol
 
Nice one - also brings a smile when people are bold enough to ask you to translate - Dat santa need a cussin, yeah.
 
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