Monday, June 27, 2005
Saturday I went to this wedding and it was beautiful.Everybody was nicely dressed,the service was inspiring and the reception well organised.So what was wrong with this picture? Nothing,except in the back of my mind I was wondering how long will this marriage last.Now,these people have been together for as long as I can remember,so much so that people actually think they are already married.So given that history it was rather "strange" that I should have been even wondering if their marriage would be a success.Or is it?
Well,it seems getting married is not the hard part but rather the staying married.The statistics if you bother to check for them are quite daunting.Some time ago I heard that about 50% of marriages in the States end up in divorce.Not sure what the statistics are for the Caribbean but from an informal study I did(in SVG) it seems that while some couples remain married many have a significant other that is public knowledge.It makes me wonder if monogamy is dead or if people just adopt a businesslike approach to the matter and decide that some things they can live with. On the other hand you see people breaking off marriages that are 15,20 years old only to hook up with a younger new model. Not too encouraging for a young person is it? So much for the happily ever after bit.
It brings me to my next question:Is marriage over rated or have we just lost the respect for the institution? A few weeks back I was looking at CNN and they were doing this feature on Infidelity and it was quite revealing how views have changed with respect to infidelity in marriages.It actually seems to be the norm rather than the exception.So much for the forsaking all others bit.When you think of it marriage is really one huge commitment.Imagine agreeing to stick with this one person through thick and thin for the rest of your life.And because it is natural for people to change overtime the person you married a couple years ago more than likely will be different in many ways.A wise person once told me that if you love enough you will conquer anything but the same wise person also told me that my generation is a selfish one. So maybe we are doomed but I really hope not.
I know a couple that were together for over 20yrs, had a child, decided after all that time to get married and within a year they were fighting and seperated. I also know of a couple who got married rather short within knowing each other and they are still married. Are they happy, I don't know. So it all depends on the different variables in the couples lives.
Don't give up hope on marriage. just do your thing and it'll work for you.
Actually I think that promiscuity or cheating hasnt really changed alot over the years its more the tolerance to these actions. In the past where women depended more on men for their livelihood and survival the women were forced to turn a blind eye to a philandering husband so marriages continued even though a man might have cheated and had a few kids on the side.
That not going to fly today as the women are not as dependant on the men so as I say I blame the women.
I seen them mash up after ten year relationship in three weeks. I seen those who living together fine for twenty odd years, bruck up once ring place on finger.
I have seem ones that endure the test of time after short relationships. You just have to give it your best shot really. Dr. D.
That said, I think most couples tend to experience cycles... happiness, then not so happy, then indifferent, then unhappiness, then indifference, then not so happy then happy, and so on and so on, over and over. Its just like the other aspects of their lives, and all these aspects are subject to variation over time.
Now when some couples become unhappy, their first instinct is to cut out and look for greener pastures, when if they had stuck it out, maybe they would have found their way back to happier times for awhile.
Others endure the tests of time.
There is no way of knowing whether you and yours will endure really, as its all dependent on both of you and your levels of stick-to-it-iveness.
I agree with the other commenters though. People no longer give the institution of marriage the import that they once did, and so its easier for them to disolve the union nowadays than in the past.
Marriage is still very important however, even if the only reason one can find is that kids are better off being raised by two parents, and marriage may tend to keep the couple together while the kids get raised... it doesn't always work out this way, and maybe its time for society to address that. Maybe if kids were being raised right, we wouldn't have so many problems in our society, i.e. crime, drugs, etc.
Anyway, I seem to have taken over your blog. Let me not impose any further...