Monday, June 27, 2005



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Saturday I went to this wedding and it was beautiful.Everybody was nicely dressed,the service was inspiring and the reception well organised.So what was wrong with this picture? Nothing,except in the back of my mind I was wondering how long will this marriage last.Now,these people have been together for as long as I can remember,so much so that people actually think they are already married.So given that history it was rather "strange" that I should have been even wondering if their marriage would be a success.Or is it?

Well,it seems getting married is not the hard part but rather the staying married.The statistics if you bother to check for them are quite daunting.Some time ago I heard that about 50% of marriages in the States end up in divorce.Not sure what the statistics are for the Caribbean but from an informal study I did(in SVG) it seems that while some couples remain married many have a significant other that is public knowledge.It makes me wonder if monogamy is dead or if people just adopt a businesslike approach to the matter and decide that some things they can live with. On the other hand you see people breaking off marriages that are 15,20 years old only to hook up with a younger new model. Not too encouraging for a young person is it? So much for the happily ever after bit.

It brings me to my next question:Is marriage over rated or have we just lost the respect for the institution? A few weeks back I was looking at CNN and they were doing this feature on Infidelity and it was quite revealing how views have changed with respect to infidelity in marriages.It actually seems to be the norm rather than the exception.So much for the forsaking all others bit.When you think of it marriage is really one huge commitment.Imagine agreeing to stick with this one person through thick and thin for the rest of your life.And because it is natural for people to change overtime the person you married a couple years ago more than likely will be different in many ways.A wise person once told me that if you love enough you will conquer anything but the same wise person also told me that my generation is a selfish one. So maybe we are doomed but I really hope not.

I believe that the one I marry I will stay with her forever .... I know it sounds old fashioned. But I think it is due to the way I was raised. My parents are married for more than 30 years now.. and happily ever after. I think with a little bit of understandings and patience, it is possible to be married forever
Hmmm, Well, divorces have definitely become more common over the years but that may not necessarily be a bad thing. How many people stayed together in an unhappy marriage years ago just because getting a divorce was considered taboo?
My dear Kami, why yuh had to come so hard on a Monday morning. MArriage and staying married is a tricky thing. It works for some and not for others. We all believe that once we get married that we'll stay happily ever after, until the realities of life set in and then that happily ever after don't look so happy after all.

I know a couple that were together for over 20yrs, had a child, decided after all that time to get married and within a year they were fighting and seperated. I also know of a couple who got married rather short within knowing each other and they are still married. Are they happy, I don't know. So it all depends on the different variables in the couples lives.

Don't give up hope on marriage. just do your thing and it'll work for you.
I'm surprised that a contemporary feminist like yourself would care so much about marriage. Hmmm; is there something you want to tell us Kami dear? :D lol
No,I haven't given up on marriage at all.It's just that when you look around and see what is happening it makes you pause.But don't worry am a romantic at heart
Lol,don't get confused my dead does not mean we have no use for men.It just means we want equality:)
I blame de wumen :-). (thats my theme for this week lol)
Actually I think that promiscuity or cheating hasnt really changed alot over the years its more the tolerance to these actions. In the past where women depended more on men for their livelihood and survival the women were forced to turn a blind eye to a philandering husband so marriages continued even though a man might have cheated and had a few kids on the side.

That not going to fly today as the women are not as dependant on the men so as I say I blame the women.
You can never really takes commitment from both sides.

I seen them mash up after ten year relationship in three weeks. I seen those who living together fine for twenty odd years, bruck up once ring place on finger.

I have seem ones that endure the test of time after short relationships. You just have to give it your best shot really. Dr. D.
my cousin lived with her man for 8 years and it was rocky. next thing i know they got married. (not sure why?) one year after the wedding they seperated for a month or two, got back together for a few months and then divorced. they were married for all of 2 years. they've been divorced for 2-3 years now and they just moved back in together this year. as my mother would say, they're just hard to themselves!!!
Deep stuff, Kami! Heres the thing... There is no such thing as happily ever after... No one is happy all the time. No one!

That said, I think most couples tend to experience cycles... happiness, then not so happy, then indifferent, then unhappiness, then indifference, then not so happy then happy, and so on and so on, over and over. Its just like the other aspects of their lives, and all these aspects are subject to variation over time.

Now when some couples become unhappy, their first instinct is to cut out and look for greener pastures, when if they had stuck it out, maybe they would have found their way back to happier times for awhile.

Others endure the tests of time.

There is no way of knowing whether you and yours will endure really, as its all dependent on both of you and your levels of stick-to-it-iveness.

I agree with the other commenters though. People no longer give the institution of marriage the import that they once did, and so its easier for them to disolve the union nowadays than in the past.

Marriage is still very important however, even if the only reason one can find is that kids are better off being raised by two parents, and marriage may tend to keep the couple together while the kids get raised... it doesn't always work out this way, and maybe its time for society to address that. Maybe if kids were being raised right, we wouldn't have so many problems in our society, i.e. crime, drugs, etc.

Anyway, I seem to have taken over your blog. Let me not impose any further...
Patience, Communication and Committment, compromise are key in any marriage. I've been married 18 years and got married at 22....young for a man they say. I have not had an issue with it. Honestly today's youth don't really commit to annything....rarely do they do more than is required of them and don't ask them to go beyond the absolute necessary. same applies to communication and the others. Sadly they are not taught these values and it shows in their approach to marriage and life in general.
then scratchie, maybe somebody from your generation should have taught them this. lol
In Jamaica at the strip club you see married men who are often the politicians and leaders of society and when you see what them up to well it's obvious even they don't respect the institution of marriage. It's sad fo real, not that I'm necessarily any better than they are. I hope I prove to be whenever I try my hand at holy matrimonial.
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