Thursday, April 28, 2005


Physical abuse

I was having a conversation recently with one of friends and she told me that her ex boyfriend had hit her.It actually happened a few years back but she never told anyone besides her older brother and sister as she was too embarrassed to let any of her friends know.

I must that admit to being shocked/startled that something like that had happened to her.After all she is a strong, no nonsense type of person and not the type who in my mind's eye would tolerate abuse.She had actually sworn it would not happen to her after watching her sister being abused time after time by her husband.Just goes to prove how even our best laid plans can get messed up!

Generally,people are prone to associate docile women as the type more likely to suffer abuse.And if truth be told in the recesses of our mind we think they must be stupid to tolerate it.But my friend does not fit that profile so it means that any woman can be abused.It has been quite an eye opener to me as I am now forced to re evaluate my thoughts.

The funny thing is she was not even the one to leave the relationship.Makes me wonder what would make a young woman who is independent, has no ties such as kids still stick around.When I questioned her she said it was because you would have invested your time,love etc into the relationship and it makes walking away that much harder.Added to that is the fact that the person would have been all attentive and loving prior to the incident and so you would think the abuse is an aberration.In other words you wait around hoping the person would revert to the sweet person you once knew.

I got to hand it to men at how skilled they are in the way they make women feel it is their fault. In my friend's case the fault was hers for making his friends tease him about this long time friend of hers.Yes, the old guilt trip will always do it.Maybe I deserved it for not doing what was expected and once that thinking takes over then the men would always be in a position to manipulate.Am saying all this to say that rather than be judgemental we should try to understand the reasons people put up with it.Hopefully, there will come a breaking point when you just get up and say enough.

Physical or Mental abuse comes in all forms. Sometimes straight there in your face,literally and other times it just creeps up on you in unassuming ways. I was never in such a situation, but are aware of some friends who were and maybe still are. Men can be very manipulative when they are ready and abusive ones are pros at the manipulation.

But for Caribbean women another spin gets thrown in because lots of them are socialized to belive that it's acceptable for men to be abusing them and they accept it as a sign of love. That's why so many women remain in such relationships. The attitudes needs to change for both the men and women.
Please don't for a minute think that this is a one sided affair. Having sat where I have been at church I realized that there are also many abused men. We see the women because at some point it will come out and it is OK because the women are the "weaker" sex. An abused man is below the dog on the scale because he is not a man if a woman can beat the crap out of him or verbally or mentally abuse him. It unfortunately is the same with extra marital affairs. It is expected of the men and so it is not really a big issue if it comes to light but the ratio of men and women in extramarital affairs is alarmingly similar. Women tend to hide it better and because of what she stands to lose pains are taken to be discrete. The cost to a married woman found having an affair is so much higher and so greater apins are taken to hide it.
Socialization is an issue. But as I said it happens both ways.
But won't the issue of men being physically abused be much less? Not denying that it does not happen but I think it is less a societal problem.Can't see how easy it is for a woman to beat up on a man thoughas men are so much stronger. BTW,I know women can be very good with verbal abuse
You don't see (I should say hear of) as much of the box up and punch down but they get really creative...beatings with frying pans and other heavy stuff, hot oil, hot water, acid throwing, poison, chemicals in food...the list gets really varied.
Have no respect for men that hit women...and the women that stay and take it...they must know. As I seh all de time...the human body never mek fe tek lick.

Relationships are exceedingly complex...why some stay in abusive ones result from varied factors. And yes, thers is this crap belief amongst some women that if him nuh drop lick unda you skin, him nuh love you. Eeeidats! Dr. D.
ya cant really look and say because some seem strong they wont be in an abusive relationship
Yeah Jdid that is a stereotype fuh real
Havre yo uheard a recent song by Buju Banton in which he warns his girl "If you ever leave me, mi nuh know wha me da do!". Yeah, many thing in our society make women believe that its ok for their men to drop licks pon them...
Yeah-I know the Buju song
Woman stay because they feel they can't do any better. Sometimes it's a self esteem thing, I think.

Me know seh, di minute him lif' up him hand fi lick me, me is outta there.

Maybe that's why I am single. Nah tolerate none of them things iya.
guys i agree with most of you. but i think it's wrong that guys can abuse girls and the girls not doing anything.
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