Saturday, January 22, 2005
Friends or Parasites
Lately,I have been observing a pattern with some of my friends.They only seem to remember am alive when they have some needs that they want met.Hence,they would never take the initiative to call me to see how am doing and if I ask them to do something for me,well it is not a given they would.
But,the minute something is wrong with them am expected to fall in and fix it.When money is needed for something related to the child,or you happen to fall behind with the bills,or just plain broke, or some relationship trouble,am way up on the list of friends.I suppose I should be flattered because it is probably a backhanded compliment.But am annoyed rather than flattered because it seems to me am being taken for granted.
Friends are supposed to be there for friends.And really I don't have a problem helping if I can. But,if only one person is giving then somebody else obviously did not get the memo.So,even though it may mean loss of friendships(and I use the word loosely here)am going to tell them the way I feel.It is about time they start being a friend to me and stop acting as if it is all about them.
But,the minute something is wrong with them am expected to fall in and fix it.When money is needed for something related to the child,or you happen to fall behind with the bills,or just plain broke, or some relationship trouble,am way up on the list of friends.I suppose I should be flattered because it is probably a backhanded compliment.But am annoyed rather than flattered because it seems to me am being taken for granted.
Friends are supposed to be there for friends.And really I don't have a problem helping if I can. But,if only one person is giving then somebody else obviously did not get the memo.So,even though it may mean loss of friendships(and I use the word loosely here)am going to tell them the way I feel.It is about time they start being a friend to me and stop acting as if it is all about them.
# posted by Abeni @ 10:23 AM 
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Your marshmallow side, Kami--an' yu know what happens to marshmallows--they get burnt or toasted! There are 2 relatives whom ah have yet to put in check. Other than them, I've pretty much guarded against bein' taken for granted, or takin' people for granted, as I've grown older. De 20s was de learnin' phase, now de 30s is de implementation phase; but as yu can see from de fact that I'm still dealin' wif 2 ungrateful & selfish relatives, it's an ungoin' battle. You're takin' a stand now though, so you're halfway to victory.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. maybe it's time you start to catorgize the so called friend in your life. People will be people and it's up to you to figure out how to handle them.
This year I did something different, I went through my email list and sent out a general, hey what's up have a happy year kind of mail, I bsically sent it to the people who only respond to mail that I generate, not to my daily or weekly buddies. those who responded, get to stay on my list for 6 more mths, those who didn't was deleted. end of story. Try something like that.
This year I did something different, I went through my email list and sent out a general, hey what's up have a happy year kind of mail, I bsically sent it to the people who only respond to mail that I generate, not to my daily or weekly buddies. those who responded, get to stay on my list for 6 more mths, those who didn't was deleted. end of story. Try something like that.
I feel you on this sistren. Up to yesterday I was saying the same thing. Friendship should be a mutual thing you shouldnt feel like you are the person putting in 90% of the effort. If you feel like telling them how you feel thats up to you but my advice is just do some spring cleaning and drop them.
i know what you mean too. its the same thing i've been complaining about for some time. this year i decided to do something about. you don't even have to weed them completely out of your life. you just have to stop meeting their needs. they'll get the point!
N,I did just that a couple times and foolish me was there feeling guilty.But if I continue not meeting them,then they must get the point and may choose to weed me instead:)
Hi Kami, I think a lot has been said. Re evaluate your "friends". Friendship is more than just what can you do for me or what can I do for you. It's about caring, loving, sharing , communicating and enjoying each other's company. I you are hearing more from your blogger buddies who you don't even know than you are from your friend then .....
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