Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Child sexual abuse
The child gives because the body can, and the mind of the violator cannot. Maya Angelou in "I know why the caged bird sings" . I heard on the local news about an eight year old girl who was sodomised by a 17 year old and subsequently contracted a venereal disease. And once again am disgusted and saddened that the trust of a child can be used against them to cause such pain. A person's home is supposed to be a sanctity but too often it is in these homes that children fall victim to sexual crimes becoming a prisoner in their own homes and quickly learning the language of silence.
The effects of abuse manifests itself in so many different ways. The child forced to grow up too fast lives with guilt, feels dirty, unlovable and self esteem plunges.In some cases they exhibit regressive behaviours like bed wetting, thumb sucking and school work suffers.In short the life of the child is literally changed overnight. Then because the child rarely receives any counselling to help them to go on with their lives they grow up with a host of unresolved issues which affect their adult lives. Feelings of no self worth means they often put themselves in situations that are damaging and the cycle keeps being repeated.
Parents have to be more alert than ever to arrest this crime against children. A hard task indeed but educating children to the dangers is the most powerful avenue there is. Since most abuse takes place in homes and is perpetuated by persons known to the children parents must stress less the belief that children are more in danger from strangers. So the thrust has to be one of letting the child know what constitutes inappropriate touching and that family and friends are not exempt. The environment must also be such that the child feels at ease to tell their parents what is going on. The silence must be broken.
The effects of abuse manifests itself in so many different ways. The child forced to grow up too fast lives with guilt, feels dirty, unlovable and self esteem plunges.In some cases they exhibit regressive behaviours like bed wetting, thumb sucking and school work suffers.In short the life of the child is literally changed overnight. Then because the child rarely receives any counselling to help them to go on with their lives they grow up with a host of unresolved issues which affect their adult lives. Feelings of no self worth means they often put themselves in situations that are damaging and the cycle keeps being repeated.
Parents have to be more alert than ever to arrest this crime against children. A hard task indeed but educating children to the dangers is the most powerful avenue there is. Since most abuse takes place in homes and is perpetuated by persons known to the children parents must stress less the belief that children are more in danger from strangers. So the thrust has to be one of letting the child know what constitutes inappropriate touching and that family and friends are not exempt. The environment must also be such that the child feels at ease to tell their parents what is going on. The silence must be broken.
# posted by Abeni @ 5:14 AM 
Comments:
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I think the biggest job for parents is to build confidence in their children. Confidence in themselves to speak up and to say no. Confidence in knowing that they will be believed and supported when they make complaints.
Unfortunately the practice of rearing children, at least in the Caribbean I know, often enforces a lot that does not grow self confidence in children. You are taught that the adult is always right, especially those in your family. To speak up and say no is considered rude and is mostly discouraged.
The job for the parent wanting to protect their child from sexual abuse is to walk the tight rope of raising a confident and self assured child who is not rude and borish. Not an easy task at all.
In my view age appropriate sex education is good but does little to protect a child from an adult abuser b/c those abusers can easily overcome that education. They are usually so practiced at manipulations that adults do not even know what is going on, muchless a child.
Another thing that should be noted is that parents who are doing all the right things are often just doing it for their girl children. They leave young boys open to sexual abuse especially from older girls. Some parents even think it is cute but these boys are just as victimised and scar in very much the same way as sexually abused girls are.
We have lots of work to do in this department but I am not even sure that people even really care. For many this is a none issue.
Unfortunately the practice of rearing children, at least in the Caribbean I know, often enforces a lot that does not grow self confidence in children. You are taught that the adult is always right, especially those in your family. To speak up and say no is considered rude and is mostly discouraged.
The job for the parent wanting to protect their child from sexual abuse is to walk the tight rope of raising a confident and self assured child who is not rude and borish. Not an easy task at all.
In my view age appropriate sex education is good but does little to protect a child from an adult abuser b/c those abusers can easily overcome that education. They are usually so practiced at manipulations that adults do not even know what is going on, muchless a child.
Another thing that should be noted is that parents who are doing all the right things are often just doing it for their girl children. They leave young boys open to sexual abuse especially from older girls. Some parents even think it is cute but these boys are just as victimised and scar in very much the same way as sexually abused girls are.
We have lots of work to do in this department but I am not even sure that people even really care. For many this is a none issue.
One question I've always wondered about is whether child sexual abuse is a new phenomena ie is society truly becoming more sick and depraved or is it that we are now more outspoken about this issue.
What happens when the abuser is a family member like a father, step father or a bigger sibling. These are the ones who are supposed to be protecting and rearing and training the children so how do you deal with that case?
What happens when the abuser is a family member like a father, step father or a bigger sibling. These are the ones who are supposed to be protecting and rearing and training the children so how do you deal with that case?
No I don't think its a new phenomenon at all but more likely more discussed now than then.I say if a child is being abused by family member you have to remove the child from the environment if you choose not to take the matter to court.As far as am concerned they should be locked up and the key thrown away
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