Friday, August 27, 2004
Mothers and Daughters
The mother-daughter relationship tests,like no other the limits of their dreams, fears, ideals and ultimately love. I saw this quote in a magazine and I must say its a sentiment I totally agree with especially in the light of some struggles I have been having with my mother recently. There are just so many hurdles to overcome that it just is not funny and when you are an adult daughter its even worse.
There is the mother's opinion that she passes of as fact and the daughter's opinion.On the other side the mother fears that the daughter will not succeed because she just is not smart or tough enough. The daughter complains of never being supported in what she wants to do. The mother stresses doing things the right way.The daughter wants to do it her way and does not understand why she can't be given the opportunity to make her own mistakes.
So where is all this coming from? Is it that mothers are very reluctant to admit that their daughters have grown up and they are trying to impose their will to keep us close? And why do you end up feeling guilty for sticking to your point of view..surely that cannot be fair. But , mothers have this way of conciously or subconsciously playing the guilt card and you can end up feeling like its not such a bad thing to give in. After all its your mother..right?
I have also heard it said that mothers and daughters reflect each other, repel each other but despite it all they love each other. Truth be told we would all love to have our mothers' support and unconditional love. Maybe, just maybe if we focused on how many similiarities we possess then the relationship could be less testing.
There is the mother's opinion that she passes of as fact and the daughter's opinion.On the other side the mother fears that the daughter will not succeed because she just is not smart or tough enough. The daughter complains of never being supported in what she wants to do. The mother stresses doing things the right way.The daughter wants to do it her way and does not understand why she can't be given the opportunity to make her own mistakes.
So where is all this coming from? Is it that mothers are very reluctant to admit that their daughters have grown up and they are trying to impose their will to keep us close? And why do you end up feeling guilty for sticking to your point of view..surely that cannot be fair. But , mothers have this way of conciously or subconsciously playing the guilt card and you can end up feeling like its not such a bad thing to give in. After all its your mother..right?
I have also heard it said that mothers and daughters reflect each other, repel each other but despite it all they love each other. Truth be told we would all love to have our mothers' support and unconditional love. Maybe, just maybe if we focused on how many similiarities we possess then the relationship could be less testing.
# posted by Abeni @ 7:42 PM 
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Kami every mother daughter relationship is different...mine has never been adverserial. When I was a kid my mother was the mother ..her rules was law and that was that. There was nver any room for negotations and tings like that.
When I got older and started working in my late teem...my mother left me alone..but I just modelled my new freedom and activities on the things I had grown accustomed to doing.
I have observed many daughters and mothers and what I know for the most part is that if daughters follow the guidance and advice of their mothers, life usually turns out much easier for the daughter. It may be less exciting but even when you go your own route eventually you come back to what your mother advised along.
Now there are few mothers who should be ignored but kids know who those are. Also sometimes too it is the delivery of the advice is what causes the problem. I know most mothers want the best for their daughters and they sometimes go over board.
When I got older and started working in my late teem...my mother left me alone..but I just modelled my new freedom and activities on the things I had grown accustomed to doing.
I have observed many daughters and mothers and what I know for the most part is that if daughters follow the guidance and advice of their mothers, life usually turns out much easier for the daughter. It may be less exciting but even when you go your own route eventually you come back to what your mother advised along.
Now there are few mothers who should be ignored but kids know who those are. Also sometimes too it is the delivery of the advice is what causes the problem. I know most mothers want the best for their daughters and they sometimes go over board.
I am blessed to have my mother's unconditional support in everything I do. Even when I do things she doesn't necessarily agree with or approve of, she will let me know but then put her views aside to be my support, no matter what I'm dealing with.
My mother is my best friend without a doubt. I can talk to her about everything, and we learn from one another. She has a steadying effect on me and keeps me grounded, and I've taught her to stand up for herself. I'm really proud of her - about a year ago I saw her stand up to her brother for the first time ever, over a long-standing issue, and she said to me "if it weren't for your encouragement I would never have done that."
My mother is my best friend without a doubt. I can talk to her about everything, and we learn from one another. She has a steadying effect on me and keeps me grounded, and I've taught her to stand up for herself. I'm really proud of her - about a year ago I saw her stand up to her brother for the first time ever, over a long-standing issue, and she said to me "if it weren't for your encouragement I would never have done that."
This ones deep kami. I cant really speak to my experiencs with a mother daughter relationship since i'm a actually a son but I think in general quite a few parent child relationships are like that.
Parents have been there or assume they have been and they relate your situations to the ones they are familiar with and offer advice even when it may not be the same.
I think you hit alot of the issues accurately here including that use of the guild card thing.
Relationships with parents are hard as an adult because sometimes they never stop seeing you as a child. You will always be their child but you're now also an adult and sometimes they have issues with accepting that an respecting you as an adult. I guess its not just as a teenager that like the Fresh Prince you can say "Parents Just dont understand"
so wait you is a lawless daughter? :-)
Parents have been there or assume they have been and they relate your situations to the ones they are familiar with and offer advice even when it may not be the same.
I think you hit alot of the issues accurately here including that use of the guild card thing.
Relationships with parents are hard as an adult because sometimes they never stop seeing you as a child. You will always be their child but you're now also an adult and sometimes they have issues with accepting that an respecting you as an adult. I guess its not just as a teenager that like the Fresh Prince you can say "Parents Just dont understand"
so wait you is a lawless daughter? :-)
Am a lawless daughter depending on who is talking:).I do not want my mother to be my best friend though because the dynamics of friends and mothers are quite different.I just want my mother to be my mother i.e offer guidance(not laying down the law),support etc.But you all have made useful comments
Its also made tougher if you live at home. After I finished University I went back to live at home for a bit. Some of the most miserable days of my life but once you live home you got to respect the home owners.
kami and she mudda does have dey daily cuss outs...her kami calling she mudda a skettel and ting...tsk tsk...just sad
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# posted by 
: 5:25 PM
: 5:25 PM
I have two daughters of my own. Does this mean they are repelling back to me that I'm idiot acting sometimes? :)
Dom told me this was the place to come for flags.
do stop by sometime.
Have a great day!
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Dom told me this was the place to come for flags.
do stop by sometime.
Have a great day!
# posted by : 8:16 PM
: 8:16 PM << Home
